The feelings rushed in the moment I saw him. His smile, laugh and body language was intoxicating. It overwhelmed my whole being. It took everything in my power to control everything about myself. Our conversation was small but the effect of it was anything but. These feelings quickly grew. Everything from the beginning was a roller coaster. Any sane person would know to get out now. Unfortunately, the last thing anyone is in a time of a new relationship is sane. This grew, not quickly but appropriately. 6 Months into the relationship is when things got hard. It all seemed so easy until this point. Should we take it to the next step or cut our losses. The next step for us would be a long distance relationship. We discussed everything logically. It was the first time in my life I could say I weighed all my options. The good, the bad and the confusing. I could honestly say he did too. It was unanimous, we were going to fight. We were going to make it work. The time came he was moving and our relationship is getting put to the test. Months went by and we were happy. As happy as two people could be, being in a long distance relationship. 6 months of long distance went by. We talked about everything, our future, what we expect, how we would pay bill, everything. So the time came I was moving across the country for a man I fully intended on spending the rest of my life with. We knew it would be hard. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m sure from the title you all gathered that it did not work out. No it didn’t, one day after a long day of work I came home sat down shared a bottle of wine with this man that I loved with all my heat. After it was finished we started talking, like drunken people do. I can’t even tell you how it even started. What I can remember like it was yesterday. So vivid in my mind is how it ended. It ended with a question and an answer. “Do you see a future with me?” and before I could predict the answer his response “no, I don’t anymore.” that was it. 4 simple words changed my life and what I though of my future forever. After those 4 words I never saw him again. Yes we lived together. We slept in separate rooms worked opposite schedules and didn’t cross paths. He wasn’t even there to help me pack and move he stayed at a friend’s. The next thing I knew I was moving out and moving back to my home town just like that. We have not spoken since. I know I loved this man. I would have spent my life with him. I would have even been happy I know that. What I don’t know is if he would have been. Would he always believe he would be settling? I don’t want to be the girl a guy settles with. I want a guy that is consumed with my love and presence. That wasn’t him. Looking back with a clear mind I see it. What he saw first. We were right for each other but not perfect and when it comes to forever it always needs to be perfect for you. Yes, you’ll fight; yes you’ll have low times. But even the down times will make the good times seem that much more perfect.
Being straight out of your first serious relationship or any relationship for that matter, your mind goes wild. All the thoughts can tear the sanest person apart. Being so vulnerable you can’t think straight, can’t eat, can’t sleep. Your mind goes a mile a minute all the Everyone has to find their way of coping with any situation. A way to let the mind process everything in your life as well as your mind. At times they can seem so different. Your mind is one thing, whereas your life seems completely different.
- When did everything go wrong; what were the signs?
- This is something everyone thinks, I’m sure like all these points. This one is number one for a reason. There is nothing you can do to erase this thought from your mind. This thought will hit you harder than life itself. It’s going to be okay. Trust me, those thoughts will come and go, but eventually you’re going to be better off without these thoughts. Are there bad moments? Yes, but one bad moment won’t change anything. Just like one good moment won’t make everything good again.
- What could I have done differently?
- There are so many things you could have done differently, the key word COULD have done. Looking back, it’s easy to pick yourself apart piece by piece, however, that won’t get you anywhere. Don’t pick yourself apart so much that you lose yourself and your strength. What will get you past this is thinking of all the things you did for them and knowing THEY are missing out. Now they have the hard task of finding someone as awesome as you!
- Will he love someone more than me?
- This was a hard one for me to get past. I really started to believe everyone loves each other differently. You will love someone again and so will they, but that doesn’t change the things you each shared with each other. It’s going to be hard knowing they’re with someone else, but your ex will never feel for them what they felt for you. It’s not as cut and dried as “do they love someone more than me?” Love is always complicated. That’s why it is so exciting.
- Will he forget about the time we spent together?
- I can’t say it’s the same for everyone out there, what I can tell you, the chances are slim. You can’t forget the time you’ve spent with anyone. Plain and simple. Especially someone you once loved.
- Does he regret the decision he made?
- That’s one thing that makes breaking up so hard, you’ll never know. All the unknown that goes along with it. I can tell you that you won’t. Eventually you will thank them for everything they have done to you. It’s slowly making you a stronger person. That’s all you can hope for, is to come out in the end stronger than before and learn from everything that has happened to you.
- Can he please just CALL ALREADY!
- It seems like an easy fix it, right? If he would just call and everything will go back to the way it was? It might seem like a fairy tale at first, but when the butterflies settle and the “relationship” starts to take effect you’re going to worry. You’re always going to wonder if they will hurt you again, if they will change their mind, if you’re good enough for them. Thoughts like that will rip you apart. You will become a version of yourself that you will slowly loathe. You will lose your confidence. That’s something you can’t afford to lose
At the end of it, I promise you, you’ll come out 10 times stronger. Don’t take them back. Think of all the other amazing people out there that are worth your time. If you take them back you could be missing out on something better.