A Love Story Ended

The feelings rushed in the moment I saw him. His smile, laugh and body language was intoxicating. It overwhelmed my whole being. It took everything in my power to control everything about myself. Our conversation was small but the effect of it was anything but. These feelings quickly grew. Everything from the beginning was a roller coaster. Any sane person would know to get out now. Unfortunately, the last thing anyone is in a time of a new relationship is sane. This grew, not quickly but appropriately. 6 Months into the relationship is when things got hard. It all seemed so easy until this point. Should we take it to the next step or cut our losses. The next step for us would be a long distance relationship. We discussed everything logically. It was the first time in my life I could say I weighed all my options. The good, the bad and the confusing. I could honestly say he did too. It was unanimous, we were going to fight. We were going to make it work. The time came he was moving and our relationship is getting put to the test. Months went by and we were happy. As happy as two people could be, being in a long distance relationship. 6 months of long distance went by. We talked about everything, our future, what we expect, how we would pay bill, everything. So the time came I was moving across the country for a man I fully intended on spending the rest of my life with. We knew it would be hard. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m sure from the title you all gathered that it did not work out. No it didn’t, one day after a long day of work I came home sat down shared a bottle of wine with this man that I loved with all my heat. After it was finished we started talking, like drunken people do. I can’t even tell you how it even started. What I can remember like it was yesterday. So vivid in my mind is how it ended. It ended with a question and an answer. “Do you see a future with me?” and before I could predict the answer his response “no, I don’t anymore.” that was it. 4 simple words changed my life and what I though of my future forever. After those 4 words I never saw him again. Yes we lived together. We slept in separate rooms worked opposite schedules and didn’t cross paths. He wasn’t even there to help me pack and move he stayed at a friend’s. The next thing I knew I was moving out and moving back to my home town just like that. We have not spoken since. I know I loved this man. I would have spent my life with him. I would have even been happy I know that. What I don’t know is if he would have been. Would he always believe he would be settling?  I don’t want to be the girl a guy settles with. I want a guy that is consumed with my love and presence. That wasn’t him. Looking back with a clear mind I see it. What he saw first. We were right for each other but not perfect and when it comes to forever it always needs to be perfect for you. Yes, you’ll fight; yes you’ll have low times. But even the down times will make the good times seem that much more perfect.

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